Because of my never ending daily chores , visiting him is always being postponed..Nevertheless my prayers for him never ends.Its still a 5 times a day business..Thoughts of him is still very much in my mind, it shows in how many posts there are about him in my blog.Maybe the years spent with him was short, but the quality time between ayah and I was remarkable enough to take me over the years till now.
This morning I have the best golden opportunity to visit him. The graveyard is next to a housing area.New houses are approaching nearby. No eerie feelings at all entering his 'home ground'.
Beside him on his left is his father, di hijung kaki dia pula my neice ( my brother Mazri's daughter who passed away at an early age of three ) and di hujung kepala my father is her sister. So it was like visiting my family there .
There was one boy (quite retarded ) yang I often asked to help me clean my father's grave area. Last month I met him in town and gave him some money so that my father's grave is being taken care of.
We called him Mat Keras..because the way he stands 'keras still 'macam kayu.
"Mat jangan lupa cuci kubur ayah saya na ? "
Then he would nod his head and say " aa aa " Although he hardly speaks but he understands. Thats enough.
When I looked around tadi I saw lots of new growth there.Maybe because of the frequent rain lately, Mat pun tak sempat nak keep up, berlumba dengan hujan and pokok2 cepat tumbuh. But it was quite ok.My father's resting home is so cosy, under big shady trees, with the wind blowing softly..
As I touched his tombstone, I couldnt stop my tears flowing . I have promised myself before I set my feet there, dont cry, dont cry...nak buat macam mana..
I recited some quranic verses for ayah . I doa Allah hentikan siksa kubur keatasnya, doa Allah ampunkan semua dosa2 dia.
I talked to him macam dia masih hidup,like I used to talk to him dulu2. Sembang softly like he was there looking at me..
"Ayah , ni cek mai ni ziarah ayah, moga ayah tenang di sini,ayah tolong doa cek dapat tunai haji tahun ni na?.keluarga kita, adik2 , mak semua sihat, "
As I walked to leave him , I looked back to see his 'home ' for the last time, It was the most serene shady place I have ever seen, so quiet, so peaceful. Deep down in my heart I felt as if Allah has granted my wish..
"Bye ayah, nanti cek mai pulak, nak ganti batu tanda di rumah ayah ni, sebab selalu banjir, tanda tu dah sorot ke bawah ." I walked blindly to my car, mata I dah penoh, in memory of him.my ayah.....